Our sex lives are a direct reflection of our relationships. Trust and intimacy, which are the foundations of any romantic relationship, play out in the ways we approach our partners in the bedroom. It’s how we’re hardwired as human beings – when you feel close to your partner, you trust them to explore your body and make you feel good.
The reverse is also true – having good sex in relationships requires open communication and the ability to be vulnerable. By strengthening your communication in the bedroom, you can also increase the amount of intimacy in other aspects of your relationship. Sex toys for couples can be a useful tool for enhancing connection through intimacy and fostering trust through sexual exploration. Here’s a guide to building trust and intimacy with sex toys so you and your partner can take your bond – and your orgasms – to the next level.
The Link Between Intimacy, Trust, and Sexual Wellness
A considerable amount of research has shown that couples who are satisfied with their sex lives are more satisfied in their relationship overall. But do couples have better sex because they’re happier in their relationship, or does happiness within a relationship increase when they’re sexually satisfied?
It’s a chicken-or-the-egg question that ultimately leads back to intimacy and trust. When both partners are sexually satisfied, they feel more valued and desired. For example, one 2018 study found that sexual desire increased when “the partner was perceived as or was actually exhibiting higher emotional responsiveness, which is considered a building block of couple intimacy.”
Sexual satisfaction intrinsically requires both partners to trust each other enough to communicate what makes them feel good and what they want. When you explore your needs and desires together, it can strengthen your emotional intimacy and foster trust.
How Sex Toys Encourage Trust and Communication
Fostering Open Conversations
When you and your partner discuss sex toys, what you’re really talking about are your personal boundaries and desires. What have you tried before that you liked? What are some things your partner may want that you’ve never tried, and vice versa? What are some hard nos? Why do you like this, and not that? Opening up the conversation can lead to some deep sharing that helps you understand each other on a deeper level.
Building Comfort and Safety
Judgement is the number one boner-killer for any person. By establishing a judgement-free zone for shared pleasure you’re building a safe space for sexual exploration, allowing each partner to feel comfortable.
Encouraging Mutual Pleasure
Good sex, just like any good relationship, should be about reciprocity. You have sex with your partner not just because you want to feel good (though that should also be a priority) but because you want to make them feel good. Showing each other that you want to make each other feel good strengthens your physical and emotional bonds.
Breaking Routine and Enhancing Connection
Getting into a rut is extremely common when you’re in a long-term relationship. In a 2017 study of over 11,000 men and women, 34.2% of women and 15% of men reported losing interest in sex for three months or more in the last year. This was especially prominent among women who had been in relationships for over a year.
Interestingly, men in long-term relationships reported a more constant sex drive, while women living with their partners were more likely to report a decline in sex drive compared to those who live alone. Novelty is the key to interest, and introducing sex toys to your bedroom (or beyond!) can spur playfulness and renew intimacy.
Choosing The Right Sex Toys To Strengthen Connection
Beginner-Friendly Toys for Couples
If you’re new to the sex toy scene and feeling intimidated by the profusion of futuristic-looking gadgets (what goes where?!), ease into exploration with sex toys that are simple to use and figure out. Pocket vibrators, for example, are a classic option that can be used by both partners to stimulate the clitoris. You can also go old-school with accessories like handcuffs or blindfolds to build trust – and sexual tension – between you and your partner.
Toys Designed for Mutual Pleasure
Speaking of give-and-take, certain sex toys come with the added perk of being able to satisfy both partners at once! Have your cake and eat it too with sex toys designed for mutual pleasure, such as double-ended dildos so both of you can enjoy penetration at the same time, or perhaps a couples vibrators for simultaneous stimulation.
Remote-Controlled & Interactive Toys
Exhibitionism, BDSM, and control play can be taken to the next level with remote-controlled and interactive toys that allows for stimulation at a distance. Today’s bluetooth or internet-linked toys can be controlled from almost anywhere in the world, allowing you and your partner to connect even when physically separated.
Body-Safe and Comfortable Choices
The number one priority with sexual exploration is feeling comfortable. Make sure you choose hypoallergenic sex toys made out of safe, sanitary materials (for example, you don’t want to opt for latex if you’re allergic to latex) and that are a comfortable fit for everyone involved.
Steps To Introduce Sex Toys Into A Relationship
So you’re ready to start playing. How do you get started? Well, as we’ve touched on above, open communication is the cornerstone of building a strong, more intimate sexual connection with your partner. Begin with initiating a conversation in a time and setting when the both of you feel safe and comfortable, such as during a romantic moment in a hot tub or over dinner on a date night.
You’ll want to discuss some mutual expectations and set boundaries – what you want, what you definitely don’t want, and vice versa for your partner – before choosing the right toy together that fits your needs as a couple.
Even the process of choosing a right toy can be an erotic bonding experience, as you and your partner run through scenarios of how you want to use the toy on each other. Thankfully, today you can skip the potential embarrassment of going to a physical sex store (unless that’s something the two of you enjoy!) and peruse through a veritable universe of premium options in the comfort of your own home.
Overcoming Common Concerns & Misconceptions
For many couples, the biggest obstacle to making sex toys part of their relationship is the fear of inadequacy or replacement. Sentiments like “Am I not good enough for you?,” or “What if he/she likes the toy more than sex with me?” can not only make couples hesitant about using (or confessing to wanting) sex toys, but be a huge stumbling block to sexual exploration in generation.
If you think your partner may have these concerns, it’s important to reframe the usage of sex toys as something to enhance your sex life rather than replace it. Think about your sex life like sharing french fries. Maybe you like dipping your fries in mayonnaise and ketchup, and maybe your partner likes barbecue sauce, but you’re still sharing the fries together.
If your partner brings up any hesitations, don’t shame them or react with anger. Be patient; reassure them, and work on having a unique, shared experience that brings you together as a couple.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, sex toys are just another conduit for enhancing connection through intimacy. Sexual exploration is an opportunity to learn more about each other’s communication styles, preferences, and deeper desires. If you’re looking for more advice on building trust and intimacy with sex toys, check out the rest of our site.
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