It’s astounding the amount of individuals who are living with a negative body image.
And often, when we think of this kind of issue, we may believe that the solution comes in the form of affirmations, exercise, eating better, or even therapy. And while those are good options, there’s one thing that may be overlooked… or even completely unknown.
That is, sexuality and sexual wellness.
Embracing one’s own sexuality, with the use of sex toys.
But first, what is body positivity?
Body positivity, according to an AI overview, is “a social movement that encourages individuals to accept and celebrate their bodies, regardless of size, shape, or appearance, and to challenge societal body standards and ideals,”.
And how might that be connected to sexual wellbeing? When one has a positive body image, intimacy may become a source of pleasure and connection, which can lead to an enhanced sexual satisfaction with oneself and within relationships.
Conversely, a negative body image has the power to impede sexual satisfaction, as feelings of insecurity and inadequacy could overshadow the enjoyment of intimacy.
Still, there are a number of taboos surrounding self-pleasure and using sex toys. And this can be a huge challenge not only hindering one from experiencing better body positivity but also, receiving the pleasure that they so rightly deserve.
Despite many individuals having these taboos, it’s never too late to re-educate oneself and to learn about how sexual exploration can benefit those who engage in it.
Let’s get more in detail about how solo self love and sex toys can improve body positivity, shall we?
The Link Between Body Positivity and Sexual Wellness
Is there a link between body positivity and sexual wellness? Yes! And it can differ greatly depending on how one sees their body.
You see, when an individual has a positive body image, they are more likely to feel more confident and comfortable during intimacy and self-exploration, and to feel a sense of sexual empowerment.
A positive body image contributes to an overall feeling of being present during intimacy, to focus on pleasure, and to engage in healthy behaviours without feeling any shame or judgement. Thus there is indeed confidence through self-pleasure.
A negative body image however is linked to the opposite. One may be overcome with feelings of guilt or shame, or feel uneasy about exploring pleasure with their body, and thus become less in-tune and “in the moment” during intimacy.
Interestingly though, there’s an actual psychological link between self-love and sexual self-awareness.
Research has shown that self-love is associated with increased activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for greater emotional balance and stability (among other things).
Experiencing self-love has also shown to decrease activity in the amygdala, decreasing emotions such as fear and anxiety. Additionally, self-love has been linked to the release of dopamine, which is when we experience feelings of pleasure and reward.
Then, there’s also the fact that self-love reduces self-criticism and negative self-talk, and improves our compassion and empathy for ourselves which can enhance the connection we have with ourselves, allowing us to let go and be who we are, perfectly imperfect.
In this way, we can also set better boundaries, recognising the things that we like and the things we don’t. It’s literally a process of rewiring the brain, quieting the noise of self-doubt, and embracing oneself fully.
All of this shows the link between sexual and mental wellness, a factor that can really boost one’s self-acceptance and body confidence.
Another study to further highlight the link between sexual wellness and mental health comes from the Universities of Zurich and Utrecht.
This long-term study, conducted by Elisa Weber and Wiebke Bleidorn from the Department of Psychology at UZH, noted:
“People with higher self-esteem tend not only to be sexually active more often, but also to be more satisfied with their sexual experiences,”. They found that, over time, changes in sexual satisfaction led to changes in a person’s self-esteem, and vice versa.
Conversely, a different study looked at things from a different angle. They researched 155 sexually active adolescent females and found that those who had lower self-esteem were more likely to engage in sexual acts at an earlier age. Not just that, but they would engage in more risky sexual behaviour.
This truly emphasises the need for knowledge and open communication on sex and sexual wellness.
Breaking Taboos: Normalizing Sex Toys and Self-Pleasure
There are so many taboos and stigmas surrounding sex, using sex toys, and engaging in self-pleasure.
Some of these include:
- Cultural stigma: having deep-rooted beliefs or traditions that frown upon embracing one’s sexuality
- Religious influences: sex before marriage may be seen as a sin, or sexuality might be of a private topic not to be talked about or enjoyed
- Traditional gender roles: there may be some expectations on certain genders to act a certain way, and some sexual acts may be seen and believed to be unacceptable
- A lack of sexual education: there may be a misunderstanding about the pleasure associated with sex, in a safe manner
- Privacy: some may have grown up in a household that did not discuss sexual health and activity, making it appear as though it was a taboo topic or act
When one starts to explore and surpass cultural and societal taboos surrounding sex toys and sexuality, they may start to:
- Foster feelings of self acceptance (because they may explore a deeper understanding and acceptance of themselves)
- Experience body awareness, self-discovery, and self confidence (because they’ll discover desires, boundaries, and preferences, and enhance awareness, and autonomy).
- Reduce feelings of shame and anxiety surrounding sexuality (because they’ll be challenging societal norms and internalised shame which may lead to increased self-acceptance).
- Enhance their feelings of pleasure and satisfaction (because the more one learns about their body, the more pleasure they’ll experience).
- Increase levels of self-esteem (because a confident sex life can contribute to an overall positive well-being).
- Have better relationships with partners (because they will know their own bodies better thus will be able to communicate better).
- Have improved mental health (because of the positive hormones that are released during intimacy).
Having said that, the importance of discussing sexual wellness openly is evident in the fight of breaking sexual taboos. Yet, we’re still living in a world that so often wants to hush hush pleasure, sex positivity, and the use of sex toys.
Where do we see it though? In movies, tv shows, and adult films.
In these types of media, sexual pleasure is “perfect”. We assume that everyone loves their bodies and that orgasms are happening regularly, sex and solo self-love comes naturally, and that we should automatically just -know what to do-.
Sexual wellness isn’t like this at all. In fact, it’s no wonder that many people are unable to connect with themselves—they’re suffering due to a lack of cognitive dissonance and a lack of basic information.
The good news is, whether sexual health was discussed with parents or at school, with a partner, or a therapist or not, there are so many other resources available in which to learn more about sex positivity, sexual empowerment, and self-acceptance.
Some inspiring sexual wellness and sex positivity advocates that you may love include:
- Hannah Witton: A millennial sexual wellness YouTube sensation who has a ‘nerdy’ approach to sex. No questions are off-limits, and her approach is sprinkled with laughs and sound advice.
- Erika Hart, M.Ed: A sex educator who answers questions around sex while highlighting the vital intersections between race, gender, and sexuality.
- Sonalee Rashatwar: A sex therapist whose work focuses on fat-positive sexual healthcare, and non-judgemental, inclusive advice.
How Sex Toys Help Foster Self-Love and Confidence
It’s true that understanding ourselves and our bodies give us the power to be more confident individuals.
Yet it’s also true that people are complex. Everyone experiences pleasure differently, and to navigate body positivity issues with a partner may not be the best approach.
In that way, sex toys are the perfect addition to sessions of solo self-pleasure.
Here’s how they can help foster self-love, sex positivity, and confidence.
Encouraging Self-Exploration
Many of us don’t know what we want or like. And it can be difficult to discuss this with a partner. But even solo, our hands are great… but they can’t do everything. With a sex toy, one will be able to explore new parts of themselves while understanding what makes them tick. This will lead to a better understanding of one’s own body, leading to greater self-appreciation.
Promoting Self-Acceptance
When one makes the choice of autonomy and to take control of their own body and pleasure, it evolves into a feeling of confidence and overall well being. It’s a matter of truly accepting that our bodies have pleasure zones and that we have the ability to experience that pleasure.
Reducing Shame and Stigma
With the education and resources available today, it’s possible to relearn how our bodies are made, and overcome some of the taboos surrounding self-pleasure. There’s a power available to us to normalise self-pleasure, if we take the time to research, which may ultimately lead to reduced feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment.
Helping People of All Body Types
Today is the perfect time for inclusivity. There are so many different resources and sex toys available for people of all body types. It’s true that no two bodies experience pleasure the same, and in the realm of toys, there’s a plethora of different types of stimulation to experiment with to find the pleasure that is so well deserved.
Sex Toys as a Tool for Emotional Healing
For many survivors and those living with a poor body image, a happy sex life, or a sex life at all, can seem unattainable. And while there is a lot of emotional and psychological treatment on offer, there is too much healing that could come about with the help of sex toys and self-esteem.
Using these tools, even without their vibration capabilities, can be a starting point to reclaiming your body. To feel sensations softly and gently on yourself, whether it be on intimate spots or not.
To do this with patience and a lot of self-love, when you’re ready, could be the start to overcoming performance anxiety and self-doubt. There is no time limit on your sexuality. You can take the time you need to explore and reclaim your power.
And once you begin to connect with your body, and find pleasure during your self-love sexual wellness journey, you could be well on your way to emotional healing.
For example, in an article reviewed by Janet Brito, P.hD, sex therapist, there are many emotional benefits of sexual wellness and connecting with your body, such as:
- The release of dopamine, the ‘happy’ hormone
- The release of oxytocin, the ‘love’ hormone
- The release of serotonin, which mediates happiness and satisfaction
- The release of endorphins, the ‘feel good’ chemicals
- The release of adrenaline, which lowers stress
- The release of norepinephrine/noradrenaline: which increases and regulates dopamine transmission
Choosing the Right Sex Toys for Comfort and Confidence
Some great news is that sex toys aren’t merely phallic-like shaped like they were a mere 20 years ago. We have beautiful, non-intimidating toys that are perfectly curved, comfortable to hold, small, and splashed with calming colours to help you on your road of healing.
And you have the ability to choose which one or ones you would like to try from the comfort of your own home. With the amount of online sex toy shops available, and the amount of online reviews, you can do enough research to find out if it is the right one for you.
The main things to consider would be to go for a beginner-friendly toy that’s body-safe and that looks perfect for you. Something that’s non-intimidating, and that you feel you’ll be able to experiment with in such a way that you won’t feel shy or uncomfortable.
There are so many types of stimulation sex toys available too. From gentle vibrations, to suction toys, non-vibrational toys, and small pleasure products.
Perhaps a small bullet sex toy, like the MIA 3, would be a perfect choice if you’re feeling nervous. It’s discreet, petite, and it can be used all over your body in a sensual way to build up confidence and sexual arousal.
Tips for Embracing Body Positivity Through Sexual Exploration
Here are two helpful tips for embracing body positivity through sexual exploration:
1. Mindfulness
Mindfulness has been proposed to enhance interoceptive awareness, which can lead to improved attention to sexual stimuli by lowering some of the barriers to sexual functions (such as self-judgement and anxiety). What is mindfulness? “The practice of being fully present and aware of your current experience—without overreacting or getting lost in thoughts.”
2. Mirror work
The practice of looking at yourself in the mirror and really seeing yourself can be difficult, but it can help move us out of the space whereby we believe that our beauty is for other people to consume and not for us to realise. It’s an act of self-worship, as we notice the things that are perfectly imperfect, every little aspect. The rosiness of the cheeks, the fullness of lips, the shape of the thighs, as well as things that may have changed over time—a new wrinkle, or a grey hair… but we don’t judge ourselves for it. We embrace it.
Some additional resources on intimacy awareness you may find helpful as you navigate your journey include:
- ASDAH (Association for Size Adversity and Health)
- The Body Positive
- More Than a Body
- My Body My Image
And if you’re interested in reading additional material, there are some great books available.
Why not take a gander at:
- “The Body Is Not an Apology” by Sonya Renee Taylor – A book that explores the relationship between self-acceptance, body positivity, and social justice.
- “Body Kindness” by Rebecca Scritchfield – Offers a compassionate and holistic approach to self-acceptance and body positivity.
- “Embody: Learning to Love Your Unique Body (and quiet that critical voice!)” by Connie Sobczak and Elizabeth Scott – Provides insights and tools to promote self-love and acceptance.
- “Selfie” by Will Storr – An exploration into the effect that being bombarded with depictions of the beautiful, successful, slim, socially conscious, and extroverted individual that our culture has decided is the ‘perfect’ self, has on each of us.
- “Body Positive Power” by Megan Jayne Crabbe – Megan shares her own candid struggles with self-acceptance and her path to body positivity.
And so, it’s evident that sex toys can help individuals on the road to body positivity and self-love.
Whether it’s a physical, mental, emotional, or psychological journey, there are a plethora of toys that can aid in comfort and a positive sense of sexual wellness.
This, in turn, can help remove feelings of guilt and shame, and open up a whole new world of pleasure and solo self-care.
Wishing you all kinds of happiness and empowerment as you walk this road of body positivity and sexual wellness.
For more information on sexuality and ways in which sex toys can be an asset to your solo or couples play time, you can read more at our blog.
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