This article was medically reviewed by Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist, researcher and award-winning educator. For more information:
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In the ongoing race between the sexes, we often assume that women get the short end of the stick, given how much more difficult – or at least, less well-served by penetrative sex – the female orgasm is to achieve. And yet, many women are able to, with practice, achieve something most men only dream of: the multiple orgasm.
But, just because it doesn’t seem to be widely experienced by men, does that mean that male multiple orgasms don’t exist? The answer may surprise you!
At the intersection of philosophy, religion, and spiritual teaching, China and India both developed two sets of ideas very different from the West: Taoism and Tantra. While not solely focused on sex, these philosophies have developed practices related to the extension of coitus and hence male erection by exploring methods to achieve multi-orgasm.
Taoism and Ejaculation Control
According to the Tao, sperm is a vital energy depositor and for this reason should be kept as much in the body as possible. This belief has led the Taoists to develop a series of techniques to prevent ejaculation: from the simple coitus interruptus to exerting pressure to the perineum or even conscious contraction of the muscles of the perineum itself.
Tao practitioners do not believe that ejaculation and orgasm are one and the same, and their approach to sex involves learning to separate the two, which may allow them to experience multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms.
Tantra and the ‘Valley Orgasm’
Tantric disciplines propose a different approach to sex than we’re used to: according to Tantric theory, in fact, orgasm simply IS NOT the purpose of sexual intercourse. Tantric sex is based on a protracted contact between two partners, which does not necessarily imply sexual intercourse as we usually mean it; enough physical contact of the penis inside the vagina for long enough to trigger a sort of ‘chemical reaction’ between the bodies of the two partners leads to a feeling of enjoyment that pervades the whole body, called the ‘Valley Orgasm’ to distinguish it from the climax orgasm we are accustomed to.
Tantra promotes four ways to achieve this kind of sensation: attention, sound, breath, and movement. And if three of these are generally shared by Western approaches to sex (attention to the partner, use of voice, movements in harmony with the other), when it comes to breathing, there is a diametrically opposite approach.
In the West we associate excitement, sexual desire, and orgasm with short and rushed breaths. The more excited we are, the shorter and shallower our breaths become. Tantra, on the other hand, promotes a deep breathing technique that really makes sense if you think about, since every time we breathe we oxygenate muscles and brain.
Orgasm and Ejaculation
Returning to the distinction between men and women, the thing that distinguishes female orgasm from the male is that female orgasm does not (usually) involve ejaculation.
And yet therein lies the rub: most of us tend to consider orgasm and ejaculation as two faces of the same coin, but in fact it is not. There can be orgasm without ejaculation and ejaculation without orgasm. Think of it this way: ejaculation refers to the expulsion of fluid, while orgasm refers to a series of muscular contractions usually coupled with intense feelings of pleasure.
The Refractory Period
While it can vary from lasting just a few moments to a few hours (or even longer), the refractory period refers to the period after orgasm in which one is physically unable to have another orgasm. It is widely believed that men have a refractory period while women do not. This is where people got the idea that the male multiple orgasm is impossible. However…
It Can be Done!
Different men may learn to be multi-orgasmic in different ways. But, for many, they discover that one key to achieving male multiple orgasms is to find that crucial moment before orgasm becomes ejaculation, and stop. The muscular contractions and feelings of pleasure that coincide with orgasm will still occur, just without ejaculation.
The man will remain aroused and erect, and after the orgasm sensations have subsided, he can resume stimulation and repeat this process as many times as desired. When he feels like he has had enough orgasms, he may decide to have one final orgasm where he allows ejaculation to occur.
Now, that’s much more easily said than done so here’s are some tips:
How To Have Multiple Orgasms for Men
Some men can experience multiple orgasms with ejaculation naturally because some guys just have very short refractory periods. They may be able to orgasm and ejaculate multiple times in a sexual session, with just a few minutes in between. However, this is thought to represent only a small, lucky percentage of men.
If you’re not part of this lucky group, you can potentially develop this skill by simply exercising the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles; these are the muscles of the pelvic floor that are used to ‘hold it’ when you need to pee. When doing Kegel exercises, you strengthen these muscles and when coupled with practicing to recognize your ‘point of no return’ you’ll be able to exert better ejaculatory control.
However, a word of caution: if you already have a very tight pelvic floor, Kegel exercises may not be appropriate for you and overtightening them may lead to problems. If you experience pain or discomfort with these exercises or a new problem develops, stop doing them and consult with your healthcare provider.
In addition, the use of a sex toy can help maintain excitement after the first orgasm – similarly to how women achieve multiple orgasms, it can be helpful to focus on secondary erogenous zones immediately after your first orgasm. To reduce surface friction on your member while keeping yourself stimulated and aroused, deep-tissue stimulation may be helpful. For example, a vibrating masturbation sleeve that provides resonant sonic pulses rather that thrusting and pulling can help keep you comfortably aroused for longer periods.
Of course, the ability to experience multiple orgasm won’t be a skill you achieve immediately; it usually takes a lot of practice and requires thinking of your climax in a new way as it depends heavily on your sexual awareness, knowledge of your body and its erogenous areas, and the physical and mental mechanisms that trigger your pleasure.
But when it comes to sex, doing homework is the usually most fun part…
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