If you’ve been thinking about introducing BDSM toys into your relationship, you may be feeling equal parts, intrigue, and nervousness. BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism, and masochism) allows you to not only experience more pleasure in your sex life but can also enhance intimacy and trust.
There are a lot of stigma and preconceived notions about BDSM like that it’s just about pain or extreme dominance. That may be the case for some people but at the end of the day, it’s about consent and mutual enjoyment, whatever that looks like for you and your partner.
That’s why we created this guide on how to introduce BDSM toys into your relationship. We’re here to help your nerves so you know how to start the conversation, the best beginner toys to use, and tips for having the safest and most enjoyable experience possible.
Communicating with Your Partner About BDSM Toys
The first step in introducing BDSM toys into your relationship is to start the conversation. This can be nerve-racking, especially if it’s something you haven’t talked to your partner about before.
But this doesn’t have to be scary! Keep it open and honest about why you want to explore BDSM and know that this can also be a sexy conversation that allows you to connect with your partner on a deeper level.
Choose a comfortable, private, place to talk about it like in the comfort of your own home, and try saying something like “I read about this and thought it might be fun to explore together.” or “Would you be open to trying something new in the bedroom?”
Then it’s up to you to gauge their comfort level based on their verbal and nonverbal responses. Are they curious, hesitant, or excited? If they’re unsure but open to exploring, you can always start with light bondage or sensory play. Once you gauge their comfort level, you’ll want to discuss boundaries and comfort zones. Talk about what you’re open to exploring and what’s off-limits.
You should also introduce the concepts of safe words. You can do this using the traffic light system:
- Red means stop whatever you’re doing right now and get me out of this situation immediately.
- Yellow means slow down because you’re approaching my limit. You might need a break to drink some water, have a snack, go to the bathroom, and communicate about what you’re doing.
- Green means this is great, keep going.
Understanding how to communicate about BDSM consent helps to build trust and communication as you explore together.
Choosing the Right BDSM Toys for Beginners
How do you know what choice to start with? Consider this your beginner bondage kit. When figuring out what toys to start with, you want to consider what your and your partner’s kink fantasies are.
For example, if you want to explore light submission, play you’ll want to opt for softer strains and bondage gear. That includes things like velcro cuffs, silk ties, and leather restraints. You can use these to secure wrists and ankles for gentle restraint play. These types of toys are great because they allow for light bondage without discomfort or other risks that can come from more advanced bondage toys like ropes.
If you want to explore sensory play and anticipation, you may want to try a blindfold, whether they’re satin, leather, or lace. You use them by covering the eyes to heighten touch and other senses. These are awesome because they allow you to build anticipation and arousal by removing one sense to heighten others.
Want to try teasing exploration? Look for feather ticklers that allow you to explore sensation play. You can use these by running them across the body to stimulate nerve endings. This is a great tool for introducing gentle BDSM without any pain.
Gentle impact play can be explored with light floggers and paddles. Soft suede floggers are great for light, teasing strokes, while padded paddles allow for gentle spanking without intense pain. When you start, don’t go straight for spanking. Instead, start light, gradually increasing the intensity. This is an awesome way to add a playful dominant and submissive element to your sex life without being too overwhelming.
Is power exchange play intriguing you? Some other kinky toys you can try are vibrators that can be controlled from a distance. Remote-controlled vibrators or vibrating panties allow for playful teasing and power dynamics, while app-controlled toys are great for long-distance play.
How To Ease Into BDSM Play with Toys
How do you start to explore BDSM play? Start with foreplay and exploration by using toys during warm-up sessions before penetration or intense play.
When exploring BDSM sex, it’s helpful to let your partner by encouraging, checking in, and adjusting what you’re doing based on both of your comfort levels.
BDSM toys for couples let you explore dominant and submissive roles. In some relationships there are set roles where others may like to switch it up, so experiment to see who enjoys taking control and wants to surrender. Another great way to explore is by trying BDSM games and role-play. This helps to make the process more playful rather than intimidating.
BDSM Toy Safety Tips for Couples
Safety is often a top concern when exploring BDSM, so we have some helpful tips for you to keep in mind.
You’ll want to choose high-quality, body-safe materials like medical-grade silicone, leather, or hypoallergenic materials to prevent any skin irritations. Use safe words to make sure that you’re both comfortable throughout the whole experience. Be sure to agree on a word or system like the traffic system we mentioned earlier.
If you’re using restraints, avoid overtightening them as you want to make sure that circulation is not cut off during bondage play. Again, if you’re exploring impact play, you want to start with light strokes before increasing force. As with any type of sex toy, you want to always clean your toys after use to prevent bacteria, buildup, and infections.
Common Mistakes To Avoid When Introducing BDSM Toys
Staying with the topic of safety, you’ll also want to avoid these common mistakes when introducing BDSM toys into your relationship.
- Forcing the Idea on Your Partner → Always ensure mutual enthusiasm and consent.
- Skipping the Safety Talk → Never use BDSM toys without discussing boundaries first.
- Starting with Extreme Toys Too Soon → Ease into play with lighter, beginner-friendly options.
- Ignoring Aftercare → Always offer physical and emotional comfort after BDSM play.
These tips are essential to ensuring that you have a safe and comfortable experience for both of you that also feels fun, painful, and pleasurable.
Expanding Your BDSM Toy Collection & Play Over Time
The fun thing about using BDSM toys is that it’s an ever-evolving journey. As you both become more comfortable, you can start to explore more things like chastity, play, or orgasm-control devices. You can also try BDSM pain toys like electrostimulation for advanced sensation play or gags, collars, and more advanced restraint systems.
You can incorporate new techniques gradually like role-play scenarios, discipline & reward games, or fantasy-based BDSM. Remember to communicate and check in regularly. This is essential for keeping fun and safe and making sure your experience evolves based on your mutual enjoyment.
Time to Explore
Now that you have a better idea of how to introduce BDSM toys into your relationship, it’s time to choose your toys, get out there, and have fun!
Remember the importance of communication, starting slow, and prioritizing safety. BDSM can be a bit intimidating, but when you keep these things in mind helps ensure a safe and pleasurable experience for all.
Start by exploring beginner-friendly BDSM toys and techniques and checking out the best BDSM toys for couples ready to explore.
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