Despite the rapidly growing sex toy market, how to use sex toys for couples can still be a mystery for some. It’s not a surprise when you think about it – sex toys have been widely marketed as a solo adventure for decades.
There’s also the whole thing about men considering sex toys competition, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Instead of looking at sex toys as competition, we should look at them as our little helpers that make sex better and orgasms easier to achieve for many people. Plus, using a sex toy with a partner is one of the easiest ways to spice up a relationship.
For those who are curious about how to use sex toys for couples, we have put together a comprehensive guide to help you enhance your sex life with toys, whether you’re just a beginner or a seasoned sex toy user.
The Benefits of Using Sex Toys as a Couple
Before we dive into the tips and tricks and the best sex toys for couples, let’s quickly talk about some of the benefits of using sex toys as a couple.
Enhances Pleasure and Intimacy
First and foremost, and one of the main reasons why we love sex toys is that they enhance pleasure and offer guaranteed orgasms.
The orgasm gap is still a real issue, especially in heterosexual relationships – while 95% of heterosexual men orgasm during partnered sex, only 65% of heterosexual women do.
That’s a wide gap!
Now, it’s not that heterosexual women are orgasming less in general – lesbians and bisexual women have more orgasms than heterosexual women, which indicates that we’re more than capable of consistent orgasms.
The key is how we engage in sex.
Research shows that using vibrators helps women to reach orgasms easier and faster. Plus, it may help them achieve multiple orgasms.
Better pleasure and more orgasms mean that your partner will feel closer to you and will be much more willing to engage in more sexual activities.
Explore New Sensations Together
Ah, the novelty. We may not think much about it as humans, but it’s an essential part of life.
Research shows that erotic novelty in relationships can be a surefire way to keep the passion and spark alive for years — even decades.
And using sex toys as a couple is a great way to try something new together. As you explore new sex toys, you’ll discover new sensations and new erogenous zones that you haven’t thought about before.
Not only is it a fun way to do something novel together and deepen intimacy, but it may also unlock new heights of pleasure.
Bridge Gaps in Desire or Physical Limitations
It’s normal to have different sexual desires and sex drives. Just because you’re different from your partner, it doesn’t mean your sex life has to suffer.
The key is finding a way to bridge those gaps in a satisfying way for both. Vibrators and sex toys might help you do just that.
Research shows that regular vibrator use is shown to greatly improve sexual function in women: it increases desire, improves orgasms, and may even aid in physical arousal.
Vibration stimulation helps improve the blood flow to the intimate area, which helps promote natural lubrication. If that’s something you or your partner struggle with, introducing a sex toy into coupled play may be just what you need.
Strengthen Communication and Trust
Using a sex toy as a couple requires a level of vulnerability, trust, and communication. As you figure out what toys to use and find ways to use them that bring pleasure for both of you, you’ll have to be honest and open and create a safe space for each other. That can be game-changing for you as a couple and strengthen your communication skills as well as your bond.
How To Introduce Sex Toys into Your Relationship
Okay, let’s say that you’re convinced and excited to use sex toys for intimacy with your partner. The first step will be to introduce this idea to your partner.
It’s a daunting task for many – if you’re feeling anxious about it and unsure about how to approach this subject, know that you’re not alone!
The key is to know how to approach the subject with your partner. Here are a few tips to help you get started:
How To Have The Talk
When introducing the idea of trying a sex toy together with your partner, consider framing it from the positive, adventurous side rather than a criticism of your current sex life.
This will help your partner not feel as if they’re doing something wrong or as if their skills in the bed are not good enough. Try these conversation starters:
- “Babe, I love our sex life, and I want to make it even better… how do you feel about using a vibrator together?”
- “So, I have this sex fantasy that’s been on my mind lately… I imagine you tying me up and then using a dildo to fuck me.”
- “How do you feel about trying something new in the bedroom together? Like, a fun little adventure?”
When choosing when to have the conversation, consider the timing. If your partner is stressed, overwhelmed with work or life, or is simply tired after a long weekend with in-laws, it might not be the best time for this conversation.
You might think a good time to bring it up is during sex or right as you’re about to have sex, but that might not be such a good idea. Your partner might feel pressured at the moment to try it even if they’re not ready for it or need more time to think about it.
Pick a time when you’re both relaxed and in a good mood. Do it outside the bedroom, so you have a safe, pressure-free space to discuss any details, address any concerns you both might have and come up with a game plan.
Keep an Open Mind
It’s normal to feel nervous when trying something new. You might be feeling nervous, and your partner might be feeling the same.
Solution? Honest communication!
Be open with your partner about your feelings, and create a safe space for them to share any thoughts or anxieties they might have about trying sex toys together.
Avoiding judgment, keeping an open and safe space, and being patient with each other will make this adventure much more fun and relaxing.
Make It Fun!
Make the whole process fun by picking out the sex toy you want to use together. Schedule a whole date night around it. You can go into a sex toy shop in person, or if you’re more comfortable with ordering online, browse sex shops from the comfort of your sofa right next to your partner.
Make a wishlist, a pros and cons list, and share your thoughts as you decide on the sex toy. This whole process can be a great way to build anticipation and tension, leading to the culmination when you get to try the sex toy together.
Best Types of Sex Toys for Couples and How To Use Them
We’ve covered the benefits of using sex toys as a couple and how to approach the conversation if this is the first time doing it with your partner. Now, it’s time for the good stuff – how to choose the right sex toy for couples.
Vibrators for Couples
A wearable vibrator like Tiani Duo is one of the best sex toys for couples. If you’ve never tried a vibe like that, you might be wondering how to use a couples’ vibrator like this one.
It’s easier than you think!
Usually, couples’ vibrators are designed to fit over the clitoris during penetration to offer hands-free vibrations. Tiani Duo is special because it has two motors on both ends, which offers additional stimulation for both partners during intercourse.
It also has a remote control, which allows you to control the intensity and vibration patterns with ease.
You may also spice it up and give your partner the remote control so that they can be in charge of the intensity and patterns of the vibrations.
Remote-Controlled and App-Controlled Toys
If you’re into watching your partner get off, enjoy edging, or are in a long-distance relationship, then remote control vibrators like TIANI 3 will be right up your alley.
You can use this vibrator to enhance intercourse when you’re together and pleasure your partner through distance when you’re apart. This high-tech sex toy makes it so easy to stay connected to your partner, even if you’re not in the same room.
Simply hop on a call or a video chat and have fun! It’s a great way to explore gentle power play, by the way. Give your partner orders to put in the remote control and be in charge of their pleasure, and only allow them to orgasm when you tell them they’re allowed.
Cock Rings
Cock rings are a great way to enhance intercourse, and vibrating cock rings like TOR are even better at that. So, how does it work?
Well, C-rings are designed to restrict the blood flow to the penis, which makes the erection stronger, harder, and, most often, last longer. If you use a vibrating cock ring like TOR 3, then not only do you have better erections, but you add extra pleasurable sensations for both partners.
When using C-rings, be mindful about how long you keep them on. Wear it for no longer than 20 minutes at a time.
Putting it on is easier than you think! Apply a generous amount of lube on the semi-hard penis and on the inside of the cock ring. Then, slide it on the penis. You can fit it at the base above the balls or loop the C-ring to sit behind the balls if you want more restriction and to stimulate the perineum area.
Strap-Ons and Harnesses
Strap-ons and harnesses might look intimidating, but they don’t have to be. It’s a very common sex toy many lesbian couples enjoy to have penetrative sex and engage in a form of powerplay.
However, heterosexual couples also can use them, and pegging has been gaining popularity in recent years.
Exploring the reverse roles in heterosexual relationships can be fun. If you have this fantasy, whether at the top or the bottom of the relationship, know that you’re not alone, and it’s definitely normal.
When choosing the harness, always make sure it fits comfortably and doesn’t sit wrong or dig into your skin in any uncomfortable way.
Also, consider one that accommodates different attachments so you can play around with different sizes. The more versatile it is, the more usable it will be for you.
When it comes to harnessing attachments, choosing one that vibrates and offers stimulation for the penetrating and receiving partners might be a better option.
Sensory and BDSM Slay Tools
Of course, we have to talk about sensation play and all the kinky sex toys you can use to introduce novelty. And no, it doesn’t have to be massive fuck machines or heavy whips and chains (though it can if that’s your thing!).
There are plenty of tools that allow you to explore sensation play:
- Massage oil candles
- Low-temperature candles
- Pinwheel
- Blindfolds (satin, leather, or a simple sleeping mask)
- Floggers
- Paddles
- Feather tickles
You may also want to try restraint play items such as handcuffs. When choosing cuffs, avoid the traditional metal ones. Instead, opt for something leather or velcro that’s softer on the skin. Metal might leave marks on the wrists and ankles, which you probably don’t want.
When it comes to introducing these tools into the bedroom, always start slow. After you have the conversation with your partner about boundaries, make sure you have your safeword and establish rules for communication.
Start with one thing at a time. It’ll prevent you from getting overstimulated. Besides, there’s a learning curve for some of these tools, and you may want to learn one new thing at a time.
When it comes to restraints like cuffs, introducing them is pretty easy. Next time you have intercourse, restrain your partner’s hands above their head with your hands.
That’s the very basic restraint trick. If you both are into it, next time, try it with the cuffs and see how that feels. From there on, you’ll quickly find what works for you.
Setting the Mood: Creating a Comfortable Environment
Setting the mood can be a game-changer when you want to make sex more special or novel.
Whether you’re about to try couples sex toys for the first time, or you’ve been doing it for a while and simply want a novel way to approach it, putting an effort into setting the mood can make all the difference.
And you know what’s the best news? It’s so easy to do!
Create an Ambiance
Enhance intimacy and create a relaxing environment for exploration and experimentation by setting an ambiance.
Dim the lights. Light up scented candles. Get fresh flowers, or draw a bubble bath. Scatter some petals on the bed. Play some sensual music in the background.
All these small details can make a huge difference. It helps create a separation from reality, which will get you in the mood to play.
Go Into It with the Right Mindset
Having the right mindset when you’re going into it is key. If you’re busy with ten things on your to-do list, stressed about work, or tired from spending a weekend away with family, chances are you won’t be in the mood to try a new sex toy.
The same goes for your partner.
So, before you experiment with new sex toys, spend some time unwinding and getting into the right mindset.
De-stress and relax with some quiet alone time or a nice bath or a shower. Clean up and dress up if you feel like it. Meditate, listen to your favorite music, or go do a workout that energizes you or helps you unwind, like yoga. Go for a walk to clear your head.
Do whatever helps you get into a calm state of mind.
Also, be mindful of your partner and how they’re feeling. Don’t push your partner if they’re not feeling it. Find out how you can help them get into the right headspace.
Maybe help them with their side of chores or create a safe space for them to vent about something that stressed them out. Take them out for a walk, a coffee, or a nice dinner for just the two of you.
Take it slow, get into the right set of mind, and focus on fostering the connection between the two of you.
Communication and Consent: Keys To Enjoyable Exploration
Choosing the right sex toy and setting an ambiance to romance with your partner is not enough. For the most enjoyable experience, make sure you cover all of the basics beforehand:
Consent Is Key
It’s only fun and enjoyable if everyone involved in sex is enthusiastic about it at all times and is having a good time.
That’s why it’s so important to have a conversation beforehand with your partner discussing what are their comfort levels and boundaries.
Maybe they’re okay with using a vibrator on them externally but don’t feel comfortable with internal use. Respect that.
Maybe they’re good with spanking, but using a paddle instead of your hand is a no-go. Make sure you know that.
Take the time to discuss these things in an open, honest, and non-judgmental conversation.
Share your boundaries, and find out what your partner’s boundaries are, too.
Navigating Safety
You want to always check in with your partner to see how they feel and if they want to keep going with whatever you’re doing.
If you’re using BDSM tools or are engaging in roleplay while using sex toys, it might be useful to agree on a safeword beforehand. A safe word is a word that you can use during playtime to pause or stop whatever you’re doing.
Anything that’s easy to remember and will make you pause can be a safeword. Such as “avocado,” “Boston,” or “pineapple.”
In terms of check-ins, you may simply pause and ask your partner how they feel or whether they like whatever it is that you’re doing to them.
Alternatively, you can use a traffic light system to check in without interrupting the flow by calling out colors:
- Green: Everything is great, keep going.
- Yellow: Don’t stop, but let’s slow down a bit.
- Red: Let’s pause or stop whatever it is we’re doing completely.
You can be as loose or strict with your check-ins as you desire as long as you have a system that works for your dynamic.
Pillow Talk & Aftercare Is a Must
Building trust through shared experiences is one of the most beautiful ways to connect with your partner.
You can do that with aftercare and pillow talk once you’re done exploring. Aftercare helps you unwind and connect. It’s the perfect time for affection and care.
If you feel like it, discuss what you’ve just experienced together. What did you enjoy the most? What was the most memorable? How did you feel at the moment? What things do you want to explore again and more of in the future?
Reflecting on the experience you just shared can deepen your bond and improve intimacy.
Safety Tips for Using Sex Toys as a Couple
The good news is there are so many sex toys available on the market that you’ve got plenty of choice.
The bad news is with so many options available you really need to understand what you’re choosing to avoid accidentally buying a bad-quality toy.
Here’s what you need to know about choosing the right sex toy and keeping it in the best shape for years to come:
Choose Body-Safe Materials
It might be tempting to buy a generic sex toy from Amazon that costs pennies and arrives at your door in a few days. However, it might not be the safest option for your health.
When choosing a couple’s toy to use, you want to make sure it’s body-safe and made from premium materials for the best experience.
When it comes to vibrators, always make sure you buy ones that are made from body-safe, medical, or premium-grade silicone. This ensures the toy won’t carry harmful bacteria which may cause infections.
Other safe materials are stainless steel or borosilicate glass. These materials are durable and of high quality and feel great without putting your health at risk.
Avoid any sex toys that don’t specify what type of materials they use or toys made from hard plastic and weird-jelly like materials that are often porous and impossible to disinfect fully.
Cleaning and Maintenance Tips
Once you pick out a high-quality sex toy, it’s important to care for it properly, too. What does that mean exactly?
Well, first of all, you want to make sure you’re cleaning your sex toys properly before and after each use. You can use a special sex toy cleaner or warm water with soap, whatever works for you.
Allow the toys to fully dry before storing them away from direct sunlight. It’s best to keep them in separate satin pouches to avoid sex toys touching and collecting dust.
Most silicone (non-vibrating), stainless steel, and borosilicate glass toys are safe to disinfect in boiling water, but it’s not a must.
Also, we recommend using lubes with your sex toys to avoid discomfort and make the experience as pleasurable as possible.
But before you use a lube, make sure you choose the right one for your sex toys! Water-based lubes are always the safest option as they clean off easily, don’t leave residue, and won’t change the texture of your sex toys.
Conclusion
Using sex toys as a couple has many benefits: it helps bridge the orgasm gap, enhances pleasure, improves sexual satisfaction, can improve sexual desire and physical arousal, and is an easy way to introduce novelty into your relationship.
Wanting to use sex toys during partnered play is not a sign that there is something wrong with your relationship or sex life. It’s a fun and sexy way to try something new with your partner.
It’s normal to feel nervous and uncertain before trying something for the first time. So, don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partner.
Take your time, have as many conversations beforehand as you need to feel good about your decision, make the process of choosing the sex toy fun and exciting, and ensure you’re both comfortable throughout the whole experience.
Once you’re ready to explore, discover a couple of vibrators to try and have fun with!
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