In the United States, studies have found that 30 to 40% of men and women participate in anal intercourse. And anal play for couples is increasing in popularity, according to a Statista report.
Anal play for partners can enhance pleasure, connection, and exploration. It has a laundry list of physical and emotional benefits, but learning the best techniques, introducing the idea to your partner, and exploring it comfortably and safely is key to making the experience enjoyable for everyone involved.
Are you curious about anal stimulation? Or are you already a fan and would like to learn more? We’ve created a guide that will inform you about the intimacy of anal play and where to search for sex toys or lubricants that can help enhance your pleasure.
Why Anal Play Enhances Pleasure for Couples
Anal sex is still largely thought of as taboo, despite its rising popularity. These feelings of excitement, exploration, and anticipation are enough to get someone excited under the sheets. Doing something unusual or against the grain can lead to an increase in arousal or even play into someone’s sexual fantasy. While anal sex isn’t “taboo,” “wrong,” or “weird,” it can definitely challenge a more traditional or vanilla view of sex. And for some, it can increase pleasure.
The anus is surrounded by nerve endings, and some of them connect to our genitals or erogenous zones. For cisgender men, anal sex can lead to prostate stimulation — AKA P-spot play — leading to a prostate orgasm.
The prostate, located two inches from the rectum, is a muscular gland that produces seminal fluid. While anal sex is the easiest way to find the prostate, you can also find it by indirectly stimulating it through the taint. When someone is turned on, the prostate will swell, making it easier to find.
For cisgender women, anal sex can either stimulate the G-spot or the A-spot, which are located along the vaginal wall. During anal, those nerve endings can be enhanced.
The Journal of Sexual Medicine published a study that found that out of the 31% of women in the report, 94% of those women had an orgasm from anal sex.
Overall, anal sex builds intimacy as it’s a sensitive and vulnerable area of the body. Anal play requires care, communication, and sex — just like all intercourse or bedroom play does. But by inviting this type of connection to the bedroom, couples can explore new levels of pleasure together.
How To Introduce Anal Play to Your Partner
So, let’s say you’re ready to dive into anal play with your partner, but you aren’t sure how to bring it up. Having an open and honest conversation in a relaxed, non-pressuring way is the best way to bring up your desire for exploration. Expressing curiosity and framing it as a shared experience rather than a demand can build trust and connection.
Your partner may have questions — and you may too! It’s best to do research beforehand so that both anal play partners are sure of how to proceed.
Common concerns surrounding anal play include:
- Pain: Will anal sex hurt? If done gently and properly, anal sex should not hurt.
- Cleanliness: Is anal sex clean? Hygiene is incredibly important for safe anal sex.
- Gender: Is anal sex for everyone? Yes, anal play is for everyone who would like to explore a new sensation.
When introducing anal play, it’s important to start slow and set boundaries. Discuss what you’re comfortable giving or receiving and if there are any limits before jumping into the act. Always establish a safe word or non-verbal signal to stop or pause before exploring.
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Best Techniques for Couples Exploring Anal Play
If you’re ready to understand the tips and techniques for getting down to play, the first step is with external stimulation.
Prioritize gentle touch and massage if you’re the giving partner. Anal foreplay requires cleanliness and safety. First, make sure you cut and file your nails smoothly to avoid any cuts or scratches. Wash your hands thoroughly beforehand.
Begin using fingers, tongue, or sex toys to simulate the outer area of the anus.
If you place a small vibrator on the perineum — or the entrance — of the anus, comfort and pleasure can begin to build. Anal foreplay builds trust between partners and also increases stimulation. By going slowly and using teasing techniques with the tongue or toys, the receiving partner can begin to hone in on the feeling and relax. Toys like the SORAYA Beads can be used as a vibrating entryway before using the entire toy for pleasure.
When you’re ready to apply fingers inside of the anus, remember to move slowly and gently. Use a water-based or silicone-based lubricant like Anal Play Gel to make for an easier access point of penetration. Water-based lubes are easier for gliding and stimulating the area, but some folks opt for silicone because it doesn’t dry out as quickly.
Once you’re lubed up, begin with an index finger. A few finger techniques include:
- Moving in a circular motion
- Moving in a come hither motion.
- Moving in a slow in-and-out movement
- Move in a doorbell motion. Put the pad of your finger against the outside of the swelling prostate and press down like a doorbell.
To gauge the partner’s comfort, check-in and see how they’re feeling. Is there anything they don’t like? What feels good? Which motion is better? Remember, everyone’s sensations are different.
Trying beginner-friendly anal toys is the next step in couples’ anal play.
Best starter toys for couples include:
- Small butt plugs for a comfortable introduction like the EARL.
- Remote-controlled anal vibrators for partner play like the HUGO.
- Prostate massagers like the LOKI Wave 2.
Playing with sex toys offers a lot of variety as well as control.
- Controlling pressure with a toy is easier than penetration.
- Depth is another area that can be explored — how deep does your partner want you to go?
- Vibrations can introduce different speeds and settings to achieve orgasm.
You can even pair toys together. For example, pair anal play with clitorial, oral, or vaginal stimulation. Or use toys during foreplay and then move into penetration.
Exploring Anal Play During Intercourse
If you’re someone who wants the best of the best, a way to achieve a mind-blowing orgasm includes double stimulation for more intensity. Combining vaginal penetration with anal play (for example, having a butt plug inserted while having sex) can take intimacy to the next level.
Sex positions that work well with anal play include:
- Face down: Provides deep penetration.
- Legs up: Easy access and comfortable.
- Spooning: Allows for easy access and slow control.
- Doggy: This position allows for both anal or dual stimulation.
- On top (riding position): The receiving partner controls depth and speed.
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Must-Know Safety Tips for Couples Trying Anal Play
Couples anal play doesn’t come risk-free, so safety is always key when exploring the backside.
Before trying anal stimulation, make sure to:
- Always use plenty of lubrication. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, and too much is never too much. Try a water-based or silicone-based lube.
- Move slowly and never force anything. Rushing in anal play can cause discomfort, making your partner associate anal play with pain. If you go slow, let the body adjust naturally, it will be more enjoyable.
- Only insert toys with a flared base. Toys with a flared base won’t be sucked into the anus, which can easily happen when the muscles contract. Don’t ever let a toy slip too far inside.
- Clean toys before and after use. This is especially important if you are mixing toys that are usually used for vaginal or clitoral stimulation. Cleaning reduces bacteria and keeps your toys and your body safe.
- Listen to your body. If you feel uncomfortable or in pain, stop and reassess what you could do differently.
Common Mistakes To Avoid in Couples’ Anal Play
Some couples may make a few mistakes when first starting out with anal play. These include:
- Skipping foreplay and relaxation. Always remember to warm the body up before jumping into penetration. If you don’t, penetration can be uncomfortable.
- Using oil-based lubes. Avoid oil-based lubes if using latex condoms.
- Ignoring your partner’s reactions. Pay attention to cues and check in regularly. Establish a safe word or non-verbal cue.
- Not communicating openly. Silence should be avoided during anal play. Always discuss discomforts or what you find enjoyable.
Aftercare: Strengthening Your Connection After Play
After play, aftercare occurs. It’s where couples can cuddle, reassure one another, shower together, and check in again. Aftercare helps maintain and build emotional intimacy during a vulnerable session. It’s also the perfect time to discuss what felt good or areas to improve during the next session.
Questions to ask can be:
- What would you like to try again?
- Did it feel good when we did the doorbell motion?
- Would you like to clean our sex toys together?
- What does aftercare look like for you?
Conclusion & Call to Action
Anal play enhances intimacy, pleasure, and trust for couples. Overall, it’s something that takes time; it increases the exploration of your partner’s body and can lead to stronger bonds between partners.
Make sure to always start slow, communicate before, during, and after, and experiment with confidence.
Whether you’re jumping into bed with a vibrating prostate massager or a single finger, anal play should be seen as a new way to connect under the sheets.
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