What To Know Before You Have Sex for the First Time

Anya Betten·March 5, 2020

4 mins read

Having sex for the first time can mean a lot of different things to different people, but when it comes to sex, there are still a few things to take into consideration going into it, from whether we’re really ready to which type of protection we want to use.

And while having sex for the first time isn’t always as romantic as we might have imagined it to be, the first-time sex tips below will help you and your partner get a little bit closer to it.

Whether it’s your first time ever or your first time with a new partner, deciding to have sex can bring up a lot of different emotions and anxieties.

Common questions that we ask ourselved before having sex are:

Does the first time actually hurt?
Will my partner be able to tell it’s my first time?
How long into the relationship should I wait?
Should I use lube?
Which birth control methods are the best?
Will I get pregnant from the first time?
Is it like the movies?
Will I regret it?

The answer to most of these questions is a vague “It depends.” Everyone’s experience ends up being different, even between the two people who are sharing the same moment together, and so the answers end up being incredibly personal. It’s really important to be able to talk to your partner about your questions and concerns beforehand in a non-intimate setting.

Once you and your partner have both decided you’re ready, here are a few tips to keep in mind when getting ready to have sex for the first time:

Bring some lube, just in case.

The thing about the first time is just that: it’s the first time. Neither of you have any idea how excited (aka, wet/aroused) either of you will be, so incorporating a little lube into your play will make things easier on both of you. Plus, it can help a bit with any pain either of you might experience.

Bring more than one condom.

Condoms are amazing little things, but they aren’t perfect. And since we aren’t perfect either, sometimes we make common condom mistakes and they rip, break, or simply slip off. So, having a few back up condoms on standby is a great way to ensure that you have the option to stay protected. It’s always a good idea to have an extra layer of birth control like the pill or IUD if you don’t intend on getting pregnant.

Make sure to have a towel handy.

Sex is sexy, sure, but it can also get a little messy. The encounter can lead to excess lube, cum, and—if it’s your or your partner’s first time—a little blood, so having a towel handy will make you both a bit more comfortable afterward (and avoid any stains).

Always, always pee afterward!

This one is particularly true for women. Peeing after sex helps make sure that any bacteria that has found its way between the sheets with you and your partner while you were having sex doesn’t make itself comfortable in your urinary tract. When it does, this can lead to bladder or kidney infections, which can be painful.

Don’t hesitate to ask your partner to change positions—or stop entirely.

The thing about having sex for the first time is that we don’t know what we like, or don’t like, yet. Depending upon the shape of you and your partner’s bodies, certain positions will feel better and worse than others. So, if you and your partner’s play has led you into a position that hurts or just doesn’t feel quite right, do not hesitate to speak up.

And, if you feel like you want to stop altogether, then that’s okay, too. Never feel like you have to keep going just because you and your partner started having sex. This is a shared experience, which means you should be sharing in the pleasure together.

You might not cum, and that’s okay.

When having sex for the first time, chances are your mind and body are pretty preoccupied by the hundreds of thoughts swirling around in your head, not to mention the fact that your partner probably won’t know exactly what you want in a given moment (none of us are mind readers, afterall).

As a result, you – and your partner for that matter – might not cum at all by the time the mood’s died down and you’re both tired. The thing about sex is that it doesn’t always have to be about coming to orgasm for either partner, it’s about having a shared intimate experience (and some sexy fun) with one another.

Having sex for the first time can make you feel a lot of different things all at once, from excited to nervous or scared. But the thing is, the more prepared and informed you and your partner are going into it, and the more you’ve both communicated about your needs and wants beforehand, the more likely it’ll be that the experience itself is a good one. Working out these intimate details from the get-go will also put you on the path to having even better sex with your partner, or future partners down the road.