Even if you’re great with your fingers already, learning a few more fingering tips is never a bad thing. After all, the best types of lovers are those who are always looking for new and improved ways to pleasure their partners.
So, if your partner loves fingering, and you want to learn how to please them in the best possible way, we have six quick and dirty tips to help you become a pro at fingering.
Tip #1: Learn About the Pleasure Zones Inside the Vagina
To be exceptional at fingering, you have to understand the anatomy of your partner’s body and get to know the vagina intimately. Most people are aware of the G-spot. But the vaginal canal has many more pleasure zones that can be stimulated with a finger, a penis, or a toy.
Most vulva owners report that stimulation of different spots does evoke different sensations. So, get to know all the different spots and regions and experiment with stimulating not only the G-spot and clitoris but also other areas.
Also, familiarize yourself with different techniques for different pleasure zones. For example, for G-spot stimulation, the best type of motion is applying pressure with the fingertip pads and then moving back and forth. Whereas the area at the vaginal opening (which also can feel amazing when stimulated) might be more receptive to a thrusting motion.
Tip #2: Forget What You See in Porn, Start Slow!
Most porn videos you can find on the internet portray fingering as a rather rough and intense act. If you learn your fingering technique from those videos, your partner might not find it very arousing when you try to do it on them in real life.
Even if your partner’s body shows all the signs of arousal (like vaginal wetness), instead of going in with two or three fingers right off the bat and being rough and fast, start slow. Part of having great sex is building tension and anticipation as you go through the experience, and fingering is no different.
So, start by caressing the outside area – the whole vulva area is super sensitive and needs attention! Of course, show the clitoris attention by massaging it in slow, teasing motions. This will help increase the blood flow to the genital area, which will make things feel much more pleasurable to your partner.
When you’re ready to go inside, start with one finger. You can experiment with different motions, from thrusting to curling your finger and making the “come hither” motion. Most often, the latter feels the best for fingering. However, everybody is different and you have to find out what works for your partner specifically.
If your partner enjoys it, then you can insert more fingers and continue the stimulation. You can start increasing the speed and intensity as time goes on and your partner gets closer to their climax.
Tip #3: Repeat Motions Are Key
What’s the easiest way to bring the vulva owner to an orgasm? Keeping a consistent, repeat stimulation. It’s not a secret that vulva owners tend to have lower rates of orgasms, especially in heterosexual relationships. For most, it’s very easy to lose momentum if the stimulation changes in any way.
So, if your partner tells you “just like that,” and “keep going, don’t stop,” don’t change the rhythm, don’t take a break (unless your hand is falling off and you really need to), don’t speed it up or go slower… Just keep doing exactly what you’ve been doing up until now.
Tip #4: Read Their Body Language
Verbal communication is crucial for a satisfying sex life. However, learning to read your partner’s body language during sex can also serve as a great communication tool to know what works and what doesn’t. After all, your partner might not be a chatty type, or they might not be able to form coherent sentences in the heat of the moment. So, learning their body cues can be very useful.
Of course, this tip only works if your partner is not faking their reactions or orgasms. But if they are honest about their pleasure, then start observing. Some of the cues to look out for are:
- Breathing: if you notice their breathing becoming faster, or more shallow then it means that they’re getting closer to an orgasm.
- Muscle tension: if you notice that your partner’s muscles tense up (internally and externally) it might be a sign that they’re also getting close to climax.
- Gripping things: some people tend to grip something with their hands in the heat of the moment. So, if you notice them gripping sheets or they’re holding onto your hands, and shoulders, or even grabbing your hair, it might also be a positive sign.
- Moans: not everyone is extremely vocal during sex, however, everyone has distinctive sounds they make involuntarily during sex when they experience pleasure. Surely your partner makes different sounds or moans when they are getting close, so observe and notice those small changes to know if what you’re doing is working.
Everybody is very individual, so there might be many more different things that your partner’s body does when it reacts to pleasure. The key here is to be keen on observing and learning those individual cues to understand what fingering techniques your partner enjoys.
Tip #5: Alternate Between the Internal and External Stimulation
One of the fingering tips that’s often overlooked is to involve different types of stimulation. This is mostly a problem that stems from the old-school heterosexual notion of sex, where it’s most often regarded as penetrative stimulation until an orgasm. But there is so much more than one type of stimulation during a sexual encounter of any kind.
To become exceptional at fingering, you want to take advantage of all you have in front of you — internally and externally. Also, the same type of stimulation after a prolonged time can become a bit boring and even numbing, if you’re going really hard.
So, alternate between internal stimulation with your fingers, and external stimulation of the clit and vulva area. You might want to spend some time stimulating the G-spot alone, then add in clitoral stimulation for that blended pleasure. And then, focus on the clitoris alone either with your fingers, mouth, or even sex toys.
All these different sensations and types of stimulation can feel very amazing and bring your partner to orgasm faster. This technique is also great if you are practicing edging with your partner and want to keep them in that state of pre-orgasm for as long as possible. When they finally get their release, it will feel mindblowing!
Bonus: if your partner enjoys it, incorporate some anal region stimulation as well. The skin around the anus is extremely sensitive because of all the nerve endings it has, hence why rimming feels so good! So, massage the area with your fingers, toys (vibrations can feel extra good in that area!), and your tongue.
Tip #6: Finally, Ask Them What They Like — Here Is How To Do It in a Non-Awkward Way
And last of the fingering tips you need to know is to ask your partner what they want and what they like. Why play the guessing game of what they like and don’t like when they can simply tell you, right? Well, yes and no.
We know that honest and open communication about sexual needs and desires is crucial for sexual satisfaction, but communicating those needs and wants can be more difficult than it looks at first sight.
If you feel comfortable asking, but you notice that your partner is not as reciprocal, there are ways you can help them communicate it. The way you approach the conversation about what they want and what would please them can definitely break the ice and make your partner more interested in sharing.
So, one non-awkward way to ask your partner what they like is through a bit of gentle dirty talk. Get your partner comfortable by complimenting them and telling them how much they turn you on while you finger them. This can not only be arousing for many people but can also help them loosen up to be more communicative.
Then, as you try different techniques and stimulation types, check in with them gently by asking them if it feels right. Here are a few pointers:
- “Does it feel good when I fuck you with my fingers like that?”
- “I love to eat you out while I fuck you with my fingers, does that feel good to you, baby?”
Sometimes, you might be clueless about the way your partner’s body reacts to what you’re doing and you might be constantly bugging your partner with questions like “is this okay?” and “do you like it this way?” which can be a bit irritating to your partner who is trying to figure out how to enjoy their pleasure.
If you find yourself in a situation where you’re trying different things with your fingers and your partner doesn’t seem to enjoy it yet can’t seem to communicate it, take a break. Don’t skip over the experience and move on to other sexual things, but pause, drink some water and try to open up communication lines with your partner outside the sexual environment where they might feel under pressure.