what is bdsm scene starter guide

A Starter Guide: What is a BDSM Scene?

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5 mins read

So, you’re on a journey, learning the BDSM lingo and educating yourself about the different aspects of BDSM life. How fun! 

what is bdsm scene starter guide

We love teaching and empowering our gorgeous readers so that they can live their best and most authentic sex life. And today’s little sex ed lesson is all about BDSM scenes! 

You may be wondering what a BDSM scene is, what happens during a BDSM scene, who gets involved, rules and regulations, safety factors, and tips and tricks to making your scene a lustful and thrilling experience. Let’s dive in…

What is a BDSM Scene?

A BDSM scene is a pre-planned event where BDSM activities and BDSM participation takes place. The ‘right’ way to enjoy a BDSM scene would be to have a full discussion with all participants before anything takes place, and involves creating and agreeing upon specific rules, guidelines, do’s and don’ts, limits and lusts.

One way to look at a BDSM scene would be to describe it as a story that unfolds sensually. It’s a time for both dominants and submissives to be creative while indulging in their fantasies. For that reason, role playing is a big part of a BDSM scene.

The term ‘BDSM scene’ could also be used to refer to the BDSM community.

3 Common BDSM Scene Themes for Beginners

1. Role Play

As mentioned, role play is very common in the BDSM scene, and it’s the perfect way for beginners to get a taste of the lifestyle. Using your preferred role play scenario, you and your partner could take on different power roles, which is the essence of a dom/sub relationship. 

Some examples of easy BDSM role play ideas for beginners could include:

  • Teacher/student or librarian/student
  • Doctor/patient
  • Prisoner/guard
  • Fictional characters
  • Consensual sleep play
  • Employer/employee
  • Burglar
  • Pilot/flight attendant

2. Orgasm Denial

Orgasm denial is intense, yes, but not in an intimidating way. In fact, engaging in orgasm denial often leads to more powerful orgasms. 

To practice it, have one person stimulate their partner’s most intimate and desired spot(s), and when they’re close to climax, reduce or halt the stimulation. After a short period of time, the stimulation can continue. This can go on for as long as both partners agree.

This will have the receiver of pleasure yearning for more… so much so that when orgasm is reached, it’ll be the sweetest release.

3. Non-Sexual BDSM Scenes

Not all BDSM scenes need to be sexual! Oftentimes, those in the BDSM community gain their thrills from a combination of power play, mental stimulation, and physical stimulation… or solely from just one of these aspects. 

In a non-sexual way, a BDSM scene can be enjoyed in the following ways:

  • One partner cleans in a costume or naked
  • One partner acts as a piece of furniture
  • One partner cooks in a silly outfit or naked
  • One partner does acts of service, such as being a chauffeur, a personal shopper, a masseuse 
  • One partner has financial domination over another (when one gains satisfaction from giving large sums of money to another

Of course, there are dozens and dozens of other BDSM scene scenarios, and it would be impossible to name them all, as it really does depend on those participating. Enjoying a BDSM scene means limitless imagination and ultimate creativity and freedom, consensually.

With that, here’s a little guide on what you can expect or prepare before, during, and after a BDSM scene.

A Guide: Before a BDSM Scene

Preparing a BDSM scene is key. Going into one without talking with your partner beforehand can be unsafe, unpleasant, or even traumatic. Together, both partners can talk about what kind of scene will be enjoyed, what role each will take, what the goals are, what things both partners enjoy, and what things both or one partner actively dislikes. Discuss to what intensity certain acts will be experienced, and make sure that both players are of sound body and mind.

Then there’s also the incorporation of a safe word, which will keep both parties safe during play time. For a BDSM scene to take place, there should be negotiations, agreements, respect, and consent at the beginning but also throughout.

A Guide: During a BDSM Scene

During your BDSM scene, the goal is for both partners to feel connected, pleasured, safe, and respected. It is a time when all else can be forgotten (errands, daily life, work stress etc.), and one can really just enjoy the moment for what it is. By adhering to all of the pre-discussed rules and goals, the experience can be intensely therapeutic. 

If at any time one or both partners feel uncomfortable, using a pre-discussed safe word or non-verbal action that indicates the end of a session must be used. Throughout the scene, both should be treated with respect, as both partners should have unwavering care for each other’s well-being. Remember that consent is something that can be given or taken away at any time.

A Guide: After a BDSM Scene

After a BDSM scene, many partners will engage in something called aftercare. This is a moment that includes comforting one another, and forms of relaxation. During this time, the mood shifts. It’s when both the dominant and the submissive show love and adoration towards their partner, letting them know that they’re safe, taken care of, and respected. It’s also a way for partners not to feel discarded immediately after a scene, which can be very detrimental to one’s mental health.

During aftercare, partners can talk about what they enjoyed most, and how they can have an even better scene next time. Aftercare can include acts of service like bringing a partner a glass of water, physical touch such as giving one a massage or taking a shower together, words of affirmation that make an individual feel seen and appreciated, or whatever else brings comfort and satisfaction to both partners.

Common BDSM Limits

While everyone is different, there are a few BDSM limits that are more common than others. A BDSM limit is something that a participant absolutely won’t allow or engage in. Some common BDSM limits may include:

  • Blood play
  • Unprotected sex
  • Scat play
  • Golden showers
  • Claustrophobic play
  • Triggers (something that involves past traumatic events)

At the end of the day, a BDSM scene will be different for everyone. How you and your partner feel the most comfortable and aroused is key, while keeping things safe and consensual. If it’s your first BDSM scene, avoid pushing things to the limit. 

Slowly navigate your way through the experience using your pre-discussed rules and guidelines, and find the best kind of fun for both parties. The aim is pleasure, not discomfort, so if the latter is experienced, we strongly suggest bringing your BDSM scene to a halt.