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This article was scientifically reviewed by Human Sexuality expert Dr. Laurie Mintz. She is a professor, researcher, private practitioner and Fellow of the American Psychological Association.
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If the word ‘bondage’ fills your mind’s eye with shocking images of leather masks, uncomfortable looking spikes and being locked away in a dark cellar somewhere in central Europe, you, along with almost everybody in Hollywood it seems, have probably slightly misunderstood what bondage actually is.
Bondage is the idea of enjoying sexual gratification through the act of being restrained. All that other stuff is BDSM (or Bondage and Discipline with Sadomasochism if you will) and, put simply, the difference between bondage and BDSM is with bondage, you can enjoy the gain but without the pain.
For this reason bondage is fast becoming one of the most popular ways for couples to spice up their sex lives and now that we’ve helped clear up exactly what it is, let’s take a look at the five best ways you can begin to explore the naughty side you never even knew you had.
Tips for Exploring Sex and Bondage
Take It Slow
Although bondage is on the lighter side of risqué, it’s still a step up from what even the British Medical Journal refers to as ‘vanilla sex’ so we recommend you take it easy at first.
The popularity of bondage toys has skyrocketed over the last couple of years; the use of a blindfold stops the wearer from seeing what is happening and cuffs prevent them from moving. This sensory deprivation – which is of course one of the best and most important aspects of bondage – can be a little unsettling for newbies.
Taking your time and moving through the gears not only reassures the restrained partner, it’s also a wonderfully tantalizing way to tease them to even greater excitement. Despite what Fifty Shades of Grey might say, there’s plenty of time for wheels, chains and dungeons once you’ve got the basics down to a science.
Trust Your Partner
A typical bondage session consists of two ‘players,’ a top and a bottom.
Tops are the dominant partner, the one who instigates and takes control of the session; bottoms are submissive and generally on the receiving end of whatever the top has in mind. Players who like to swap from top to bottom either mid-session but more usually session by session, are known as switches.
Whether you’re a top, a bottom or a switch, being able to fully trust your partner at all times is paramount to successful bondage for the simple reason that this person is either going to tie you up, or let you tie them up, so playing with someone you know won’t bend the rules half-way through will help you to relax and enjoy the game all the more.
Plan B
Those of us who’ve seen Eurotrip – or indeed any other misleading bondage offerings that grace our screens from time to time – will be familiar with the idea of a safe word but, due to the lighter nature of bondage this probably isn’t necessary, unless you really want to err on the side of caution, which is absolutely never a bad idea.
Whether you decide to use a safe word or not, things such as spare keys are an important part of your back-up plan, as nobody wants to have to call a locksmith to explain why they’re chained half-naked to the bed post.
Remember It’s a Game
If you’re having a go at bondage you’re presumably looking to have a little fun exploring something that you haven’t tried before and it’s important to remember that, as with all the good stuff that goes on in the bedroom, the top priority should be exactly that; having fun. You can explore a new persona through role playing if that feels like a more comfortable way to let your freaky flag fly.
Staying relaxed, going with the flow, being respectful to your partner and being prepared for the fact that everything might not go exactly according to plan will increase your chances of a successful introduction to the kinky club, adding an exciting edge to your sex life that will always keep your lover guessing.