Whether it’s your first time trying sex toys or you’re simply looking to make the most of your existing collection, knowing how to properly use a vibrator – and what mistakes to avoid – can maximize your pleasure. We’re human, and mistakes happen (especially for beginners), so we’ve compiled the ultimate guide to help you avoid discomfort, injury, and a lack of sexual fulfillment or enjoyment.
In our guide, we won’t just help you learn how to choose and use a vibrator. We’ll offer valuable safety and hygiene tips to help you be a responsible sex toy owner, what lube to choose based on certain sex toy materials, and techniques to keep you as satisfied as possible. Here are the most common mistakes and misconceptions to steer clear of
1. Not Cleaning Sex Toys Properly
Knowing how to clean sex toys is essential, as it prevents infections, bacteria buildup, and irritation to the vulva, penis, or anus. Hygiene tips for sex toys will vary based on materials. Silicone, glass, and stainless steel toys should be cleaned with soap and water or a toy cleaner like a spray or foam. Porous materials are more high-risk for transmitting infections, and if you want to have safe sex, toys should be used with condoms. We reccomend sticking with non-porous, body-safe materials.
Waterproof toys are easy to clean as they can be submerged, rinsed under warm water, and air-dried. If a battery-powered toy isn’t submersible, use toy-specific antibacterial cleaners and wipe it down with a dampy, soapy washcloth or paper towel. If there are nooks and crannies you can’t get into, carefully rinse these areas and try to avoid the motor. Dry it with a cloth afterward.
2. Using the Wrong Lubricant for the Toy
Different sex toy materials require different lubricants. Here’s a breakdown:
- Water-based lubricants: These lubricants are considered the overall best sex toy lube since they’re versatile, easy to clean, and safe to be used with all toys.
- Silicone-based lubricants: Silicone formulas aren’t compatible with silicone toys since they can degrade the material over time. While long-lasting, they can stain bedsheets and clothes.
- Oil-based lubricants: Oil-based lubes are desirable due to their long-lasting and moisturizing nature, but they can also be messy and potentially stain. Some oils can also damage latex condoms.
Always check ingredients for skin sensitivity and anything you might be allergic to. Avoid formulas with glycerin, added fragrances, and parabens, which can irritate the skin, cause yeast infections, and disrupt hormones. Op for pH-balanced formulas when possible.
3. Choosing the Wrong Toy for Your Needs
There’s no magical sex toy that can please everyone. We all have different preferences, experience levels, and desires. Two important factors to consider when shopping are size and shape. The best beginner sex toys are on the smaller side. Smaller toys are also better for people with chronic conditions that cause pelvic pain or people with vaginismus. A too-large toy can cause discomfort in these cases. Slowly, you may want to work your way up in size with longer or girthier G-spot stimulators, butt plugs, and dildos.
Additionally, all kinds of toys serve different purposes. Many toys, like pinpoint vibrators and suction toys, and pebbles can be used for external stimulation of erogenous zones. Rabbits and G-spot toys can penetrate and/or stimulate the clitoris during penetration, but many of them can be used without penetration at all, offering maximum versatility.
Dildos are designed solely for penetration but can be used with other toys, like a clitoral vibrator. Anal toys come in a variety of sizes and may vibrate, target the prostate or simulate rimming. These can also be used externally to target the many nerve endings at the entrance of the anus.
Lube can increase comfort with any and all sex toys, and are essential for anal play. Playing in various positions can also impact comfort levels.
4. Rushing the Experience
Whether you’re indulging in solo play or partnered play, warming up is a key part of the experience. Rather than being goal-oriented toward reaching the finish line, taking the time to warm up can greatly enhance pleasure. Caress other body parts like breasts or inner thighs. Perhaps take a warm bath (you can even bring toys in if they’re submersible), watch or listen to some erotica, and use an arousal serum.
When using toys, adapt to new sensations and settings slowly. Higher settings on suction toys and vibrators can lead to discomfort, so start slow and low before gradually increasing power and seeing what your body can handle.
You may want to explore edging for prolonged pleasure and a more intense climax. To do this, stop stimulation when you feel yourself close to orgasm, take a break for 30 seconds or so, and then stimulate yourself once more, repeating until you’re ready to climax. You can also alternate between less intense and more intense settings on your toy.
5. Using Sex Toys for Too Long or Too Often
Overusing sex toys and overstimulating your genitals can cause temporary desensitization, which can result in a decreased ability to feel pleasure or orgasm. Ultimately, you’ve over-stimulated yourself, so you’re not as sensitive and need to take a breather.
To avoid this, stick within the recommended time frame and don’t use a vibrator for more than approximately 20 minutes per session. For prostate massagers and anal toys, a shorter session is reccomended for beginners, so start for 5 to 10 minutes. Take breaks between uses and use your hands occasionally so that you don’t develop a dependence on high-intensity stimulation from toys.
6. Ignoring Battery & Charging Care
There’s nothing worse than being in the mood and realizing that your favorite toy is dead, so you should always charge a toy between uses. But on the other end of the spectrum, overcharging your rechargeable toys can reduce battery lifespan, so don’t leave it plugged in all night. For battery-powered toys, using low-quality batteries might save money, but it can also cause a toy to malfunction and overheat, which can be dangerous. Finally, remember to store batteries separately if you won’t be using a toy for an extended period of time.
7. Not Checking for Allergic Reactions or Skin Sensitivities
Not all toys are created equal, and safe sex toy usage requires investing in body-safe materials like medical-grade silicone, glass, and stainless steel. Otherwise, you leave your body susceptible to chemicals like phthalates, which make a product durable or flexible but may be carcinogenic. With all toys, lubricants, and cleaning products, keep an eye out for allergic reactions, which can include redness, irritation, inflammation, or general discomfort. Patch test lubes and toy cleaners on your arm or leg to identify a potential issue before using them on genitals.
8. Not Reading the User Manual
Don’t skip the instructions when you get a new toy! Like any new product you buy, a big part of knowing how to properly use a vibrator is reading the manual. Skipping this step can lead to incorrect charging, misuse of pattern or speed settings, and water damage due to misunderstanding the difference between waterproof and splash-proof. To keep your toys like brand new (and get what you want out of your playtime), thoroughly read the instructions before use.
9. Using Anal Toys Without a Flared Base
Using anal toys properly (and more importantly, only using toys designed for anal use) are one of the most crucial sex toy safety tips to follow if you don’t want to end up in the ER. Only use toys with a flared base, as it prevents the toy from getting stuck. Anal sphincter muscles are involuntary, and what goes in doesn’t always come out.
Never use household products or vibrators that are only designed for vaginal use. It should be speifically labeled for anal use. Since this orifice doesn’t naturally lubricate, always use a generous amount of lube when using anal toys.
10. Sharing Sex Toys Without Proper Protection
When you’re in a polyamorous relationship or single and using the same sex toys with different people, the risk of cross-contamination is high. Use condoms over shared toys (non-silicone if the toys are made of silicone) and clean toys thoroughly before switching partners. This is part of why non-porous toys are a must; even if you rigorously clean porous toys, they’re difficult to fully sanitize. As a result, bacteria and STIs can find their way in.
Conclusion
Sex toys can be an incredible addition to your self-care routine, but getting the most out of them requires the right maintenance, knowledge, and experimentation to avoid seemingly small mistakes that can have a huge impact. Knowing how to clean sex toys correctly, choosing a compatible sex toy lube, avoiding charging mistakes, and practicing safe sharing are all acts that will have a positive ripple effect on your pleasure and health. Furthermore, exploring and experimenting with what feels good can make your intimate experiences (both alone and with a partner) more fun and fulfilling.
By staying informed with our tips, you can enhance your experience and ensure that your toys last for as many years as possible.
Check out our related articles for expert tips on choosing the best vibrator, the safest lubricants to use, and how to disinfect your sex toys so they stay sparkling.
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