Dating always has its quirks, but there’s even more of them if you’re a demisexual – or dating one.
We’re here to tell you everything you need to know about dating a demisexual, but first, let’s cover the basics. What is demisexuality?
Demisexuality is the idea that the connection between two (or more) people is what creates sexual chemistry. Because of this, attraction can grow the longer you know someone and the deeper your connection can grow.
Demisexuality is all about the connection which grows through dating. Here’s how to date whether you’re demisexual or you’re dating one.
How To Date as a Demisexual
Many demisexuals fall for friends because they’ve already built a connection. This sounds common, but the difference with demisexuals is that sexual attraction only grows once you have that foundation.
One of the first steps when dating as a demisexual is to figure out what you objectively like and want in a relationship. Then seek out people that, more or less, tick those boxes.
Be upfront that you may not want to be sexual or even intimate to start but that doesn’t mean it’s off the table, just that you need time for that chemistry to build. If you’re using dating apps, you can disclose that you’re looking for a relationship that’s based on emotional intimacy. No matter how you meet them, it can be helpful to tell people that you want to go on a couple friend dates before pursuing anything romantic.
Take it one step at a time. Not everyone you meet has to be a potential partner. You can still use dating apps or strike up conversations in everyday life with people you could potentially be attracted to. The difference is that your intention is to get to know them first to see if a connection exists.
One way you can help increase the chance of having a connection is by specifically looking for people who you have shared interests and hobbies with.
If you do fall for a friend, know that there’s nothing wrong with that. As difficult as it can be, it’s generally better to vocalize your feelings with no expectations than to hold them in and have them potentially affect that friendship in negative ways.
The reality is that it may take more time to find someone, but when you do, you’ll already have a deep connection established that you can grow a relationship from.
How To Date a Demisexual
What about if you want to date someone who’s demisexual? The biggest piece of advice here is to be patient as some may only want to have sex once they’re in a committed relationship.
Know that sex may not be the priority at the beginning of the relationship. Instead, you can help your new partner become more comfortable and let their attraction grow by focusing on building your connection through quality time and intentional communication.
If you want to build a relationship with someone who’s demisexual, then you need to be proactive about deepening that connection. You can do this by being vulnerable and open about intimacy and your feelings.
Even if the person you’re dating doesn’t feel ready for sex, they may still want to cuddle or experience other forms of intimacy, especially emotional intimacy.
How To Tell If a Demisexual Likes You
Through communication.
While it’s human nature to want to avoid rejection if you’re interested in someone who’s demisexual, you may feel like you need to be extra cautious about how you navigate this crush.
Communication is especially important in the case of demisexuals because, while you should always ask for consent before initatiating any sort of physical contact with someone, it’s possible for your cutie to be interested in you romantically but not be ready for anything sexual. The best way around this is tell them how you feel and ask them the same.
They’ll likely show interest in similar ways that someone who isn’t demisexual would – light flirting, joking around, more eye contact, and generally just wanting to be around you. But again, the only way of knowing for sure is by asking them.
How Long Does It Take for a Demisexual To Fall in Love?
There is no right answer.
Every person is different and every relationship is different. Love takes time to build no matter who it’s between.
One of the big distinctions with demisexuals is that they likely won’t be distracted by lust or temptation. They’ll already have an established connection with someone when they start dating or having sex with them. The love they have may feel more genuine – even if it takes longer to build.
At the end of the day, everyone and every relationship has their own pace. This process needs to work for you and whoever you choose to be in a relationship with.
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