This article was medically reviewed by Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist, researcher and award-winning educator. For more information:
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Curious about anal play? Great! Because there are plenty of resources on trying anal sex for the first time, the very best anal sex positions, and how to enjoy anal sex day (which is on April, 18th FYI).
Today however, we’re going to cover other ways to stimulate the anus for both men and women.
- For men: the art and satisfaction of prostate massaging
- For women: the art and satisfaction of perineal sponge massaging
Get excited, because after reading our nifty little guide you may just want to drop what you’re doing, (and wearing!) and enjoy a passionate tryst with your partner or a bit of alone time with yourself.
But First, What’s All the Hype With Anal Stimulation?
Did you know that the opening of the anus is filled with sensitive nerve endings? In fact, even light pressure from a finger or two can be extremely enjoyable for both men and women.
And because it is so sensitive—and we may be less used to receiving any action back there—stimulating the area has the potential to feel as though every sensation gets magnified!
That, combined with the slower initial approach that is best to employ for anal play, have led many people to report that anal stimulation can be an almost overwhelmingly intense and sensual act to experience.
It’s important to remember though, for both men and women, that the key to experiencing anal bliss, is to start slow and to use a lot of lube! The anus doesn’t produce natural lubrication like the vagina, and without it—you’ll more than likely have a bad experience.
With that, here are some things men can do to enjoy the perks of anal play.
The Prostate: A Gateway to Great Pleasure
The prostate is a walnut-sized gland that produces the bulk of your seminal fluid located near the root of the penis, just below the bladder.
And when it’s stimulated, it can make for some intense orgasms which feel different (and for many, better) than those experienced during regular masturbation and sex.
Still however, some guys, especially straight men, may feel a bit intimidated at the thought of having their prostate stimulated – be it with a partner or solo, despite the known benefits of massaging the prostate.
Luckily, the stigma is slowly disappearing. The sale of anal stimulation toys is increasing, and anal toys are now the most popular kind of sex toy that men report owning!
So, let’s make it easier for you so that you can eradicate the uneasiness of this sexual practice, and enjoy new and exciting orgasms via the prostate.
A Step-by-Step Guide For First-Time Prostate Stimulation
When it comes to stimulating the prostate, there are two different methods.
Indirect, which is done via perineum pressure, and direct, which is done via anal penetration.
Because it can provide more intense stimulation, the most common of the two is anal penetration, which is what you’ll learn about today.
When you or your partner decide to use your fingers, make sure your fingernails are trimmed and remember to take things slow. The anus is a lot more sensitive and delicate than the vagina, so it’s incomparable to practice the same technique as vaginal fingering.
The receiver may wish to empty his bowels before this kind of anal play. Many people do this via anal douching (just recognize that with douching, less is more—you only need to cleanse the lower portion of the anal canal, not give yourself a colonic).
After you’re prepared, you can get yourself into a comfortable position.
For-first time (and in actuality, recurring) occasions, we recommend using a massager designed for your anatomy. After all, it’s not exactly the easiest part of your body to reach.
But if you choose to use your fingers, make sure that they’re all lubed up beforehand, and to relax your butt. In order to reach the prostate, you’ll have to enter two sphincters—the anal entrance, which is under voluntary control, and the second sphincter—which is under involuntary control.
Once one of your fingers is around two cms in, you’ll reach the internal second anal sphincter. It may prove a little difficult to surpass this muscle, so take your time. When you’re relaxed, you’ll be able to move in a bit further.
Once you reach about seven or eight cms deep, you should bend your finger slightly as to touch the anal walls. You’ll then likely notice a different kind of tissue and a round bump—this is your prostate gland, or P-spot!
To massage it, you’re going to want to put moderate pressure on this spot—like pressing a doorbell and then releasing, or moving your finger from left to right.
You may feel a bit of discomfort at first, but if you experience any pain, stop. Wait and try again later. If you experience consistent pain with prostate stimulation, consult your healthcare provider because it may be the sign of a problem in need of treatment.
As you continue stimulation, you may notice that you gain an erection without direct penile stimulation and drops of pre-cum might come out. You may feel as though you need to pee, but this is completely normal.
Continue stimulation for as long as it’s pleasurable or until you reach the grand finale, the big O. You may find that it lasts longer and is more intense than other orgasms. And some men find that they can have multiple orgasms this way, so you could even go for round two if you want! Yay for men experiencing multiple orgasms!
And last, but not least, here are some things women can do to enjoy the perks of anal play.
The Perineal Sponge: Hitting the Right Spot
As you may well know, a woman doesn’t have the same anatomy as her male counterpart. Which is why a whole different method is used to gain anal pleasure.
Again, if you or your partner decide to use your fingers, make sure your fingernails are trimmed and remember to take things slow. As previously discussed, the anus is a lot more sensitive and delicate than a vagina, so you’re likely to find that gentler stimulation is required as opposed to what you might do when engaging in vaginal fingering.
Again, the receiver may wish to empty her bowels before this kind of anal play via anal douching.
For women to enjoy this practice, indirect stimulation of the wall that separates the vagina and the rectum, known as the perineal sponge (PS) is typically most effective.
The PS is rife with nerve tissue and is found directly opposite the G-spot. It’s an area that gets filled with blood and swells during arousal (it contains erectile tissue, just like a man’s penis).
A Step-by-Step Guide For First-Time Perineal Sponge (PS) Stimulation
You can stimulate the PS with just one finger. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can add a second finger to the mix and stimulate the vagina directly at the same time.
To do this, place your thumb inside the vagina and your index finger into your anus. Apply pressure with your thumb in the opposite direction (the back lower wall of the vagina) and allow your index finger to push up.
With continued PS stimulation, you may very well find that you experience a mind-blowing and intense orgasm. However, it may take a few tries to perfect your technique and figure out what works best for you. But, as they say, practice makes perfect.
And for those who would prefer to use a toy as opposed to fingers, the LIV 2 is a mid-sized vibrator with just the right curve to stimulate those hard-to-reach spots.
Its vibrations come from the head of the device, giving you more power and ultimately, more pleasure. It’s a great toy for anal stimulation, especially for beginners or those who are still getting used to the sensation.
And there you have it—an ultimate guide on how to orgasm anally using your hands or a toy. Try it solo or with a partner… either way, it can be just as satisfying!
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